Sesshomaru, A Day in His Life
by DragonRose13
Summary: A look inside the life of everyone's favorite pretty-boy!
1. Good Morning!

Hello! I have this series called "A Day in the Life Of..." (for all of them, check out my profile, they're pretty funny) and this fic started out in that series, but then I realized that Sesshomaru is just to entertaining to make fun of, so this is a completely new fic that is not in the series. whew Now that that is over...on the fun!

Just to let you know...I don't hate Sesshomaru...just slightly dislike. And I find the fact that he looks like he is really sure of himself hilarious. Plus he wears make up. (Take that Smiley-chan!)

InuYasha shall one day be mine!! However...today is not that day.

Sesshomaru

I gazed out the window as the sun began to rise. I love my moments in the morning, which are all mine to enjoy. In a while everyone would awaken and the castle would be a bustling mess. Luna was away and Rin was asleep, so I could attempt to relax a short while. I breathed in deeply and the stench of my half breed brother entered my nose. This could prove to be amusing.

I swept down the stone corridor, and almost stumbled over the unfortunate toad that is Jaken. I growled and stared down to hear his pathetic apology. Then I noticed what he was carrying, and trying desperately to hide.

Clutched in his warty little hands were a pair of my best socks. They were covered in Jaken drool.

"What, pray tell, are you doing with those?

"L-l-l-lord Sesshomaru, I um, well you see, I was...washing them!"

"With your face?"

"Y-yes." He squirmed, anticipating my coming wrath.

I was in a light mood, so I took out my sword and sliced him in half. I would use Tenseiga later to clean up the mess, but for now, watching his innards seep across the tiles was amusing. Gods I love myself.

Avoiding the puddle that was once Jaken-the-warty-toad, I continued down to the main entrance hall.

"SQUEAL HI SESSHOMARU-SAMA! RIN IS NOW AWAKE! RIN IS NOW HUNGRY! RIN WOULD LIKE PANCAKES! WITH SYRUP! AND STRAWBERRIES! AND WHIPPEDCREAM! AND-"

"Rin, you shall receive these cakes from a pan when Jaken 'awakens' but please, cease your deafening squeals."

"OKAY SESHOMARU-SAMA oops! I mean, whispering okay sesshomaru-sama. Rin will be as quiet at a deaf mouse who has sticky stuff in his mouth, and has no tongue, and-"

"OKAY Rin, I get the point." Wow. I have no understanding of how such vast noise can be emitted by such a petite being. One of life's great mysteries I suppose. InuYasha was like that as a child. Many times I was forced to stuff pointy objects in his mouth. Good times. Good times.

After I had revived Jaken and provided him specific instructions to cater to Rin's every wish, I gracefully set off into the forest. Wow. I am so dignified. Haven't you ever noticed how during our battles, InuYasha is killing himself trying to attack me, while I just stand there, being my pretty self, occasionally throwing an awesome blow. I think Naraku needs to take some lessons from me. Both in fighting, and in make-up.

That blue eye shadow totally clashes with his periwinkle monkey suit. Periwinkle. Wow, now if that isn't a fun word to say, I don't know what is. So is mastodon. I love that word. I found out it is a hairy elephant. You learn something new every day I suppose.

Now, what to do today? I could patrol my borders. That's what I do everyday. Time to add some spice to the black void that is my life. I would find InuYasha! That's always interesting. He always gets really worked up and looks like a cat. How disgraceful. Yet so utterly entertaining.

The other members of InuYasha's group are also amusing. The girl that InuYasha has not-so-subtle feelings for has the shortest skirt imaginable, which is hardly appropriate for the jewel hunting that they engage in.

The monk seemed normal, until I recognized him as the priest who one asked me to bear him a child. I faced him fully, and when he realized I was not completely female, grinned and ran off at top speed. I remember feeling what might have been a trace of awkwardness.

The young fox smells like Rin when she went on a two week bath strike when I refused to provide her with my fluffy thing. She wanted to cut it off and use it as a toy. To protest my decision, she didn't bathe until I bribed her with the fact that she could use Jaken as a punching bag instead. I expect the fox hasn't had a proper bath in months.

The other female, I have little knowledge of, yet she is pretty for a human. GASP I did **not **just say that. Humans are **not **pretty. They are foul, uncivilized, cretins. Gods, I must have had a brain fart.

I know what you're thinking, and no, I Sesshomaru, do **not** fart.

HEHE! I had so much fun writing this! I've decided that I'll make this a multi-chapter fic, unlike the others in the other series. I'll update as soon as I can. Thanks, and please review!


	2. A Window in His Trousers

Well well, hello again. It certainly has been a while hasn't it? I would like to apologize sincerely for not updating in months. I would though however like to send an extremely nasty look at a certain reviewer that shall remain anonymous. Apparently, the fact that I have a life that does not revolve around my computer means that I am lazy. Seriously, updating twice a week is completely insane for me. No offense if you do, that's real motivation, but other people shouldn't be expected to as well. Well, now that that's out of the way…be prepared to snort and pee your pants at our dear Fluffy-Chan…on with the show!

I had picked up on the unyielding greasy stench of my half-breed half-brother and his caravan of singing monkey puppets. Alright, so they aren't really monkeys, Naraku is the only baboon in this tale, but since this has no importance, we will continue with my merry jest. But as I continued on my little escapade to…"visit" this filthy ragamuffin one might call my brother, a tragedy befell the beautiful creature that is I, Sesshomaru.

"Oh, crap I stepped in gum!"

But seriously, who chews gum in medieval Japan? Let alone in the middle of the forest. Talk about being a litter bug. No consideration whatsoever. But then it dawned on me, like the sign from the Gods that told me that pink and yellow totally clash. Yeah, it was that big.

This gum must have been dropped by none other than one of InuYasha's posse. After all, that short-skirted…girl, does indeed come from the "future". Or so she seems to believe. Personally I think she's just a schizoid. However, the other voice inside my head seems to think that she's telling the truth. But you know me, I, Sesshomaru, am always right. I mean, what did she do fall down a magic well? Ha, what a riot! See, I just know. Cause I'm smart like that. Wow. Pretty and intelligent in the same package. It must be your lucky day.

After contemplating picking the offending gum substance off of my shoe, I decided to save it for later and have Jaken do it instead. After all, he'll probably eat it anyways. Disgusting, I am aware, but his main source of nutrition is from that of chewed gum. How I know this? Don't ask, because I'm not telling.

The gum caused me to walk slower, but I still made great time on finding InuYasha and his monke-I mean…friends. They were sitting around a crudely built campfire eating fish from a nearby stream. How I know there is a stream nearby, you ask. I got connections.

InuYasha must not have been paying attention, because I managed to get right up behind him before he became aware of my presence. He jumped to his feet, growling like the mutt that he is. Fumbling for his sword, he looked down in horror to realize that his sword had fallen through the sheath. He became even more horrified when he saw the gaping hole in his pants that his beloved Tetsusaiga had made on its way down. The hole revealed what appeared to be a ruby colored string. I let out a dignified snort. Only I can make a snort dignified. I'm sure you're all so jealous. What's new there?

The fact that InuYasha was sporting a new window in his trousers saddened me to some degree. Those pants were the only semi-likeable thing about InuYasha. And that's only because I gave those pants to him. They didn't fit and the store had a no return policy. Last time I ever shop at Wal-Mart for my MC Hammer pants. Hmmmf.

InuYasha got a look on his face similar to that of Jaken when caught molesting my socks. His ears twitched like a mouse caught by a cat. But I'm certainly not a cat. I'm a dog. Woof.

His comrades snapped out of the trance that the sight of InuYasha's outfit-matching red satin "panties" had induced.

-"InuYasha, what's thong, I mean WRONG?" the slutty school girl questioned while her cheeks burned and her lack of true concern grew obvious.

-"Sesshomaru, we haven't seen you in cheeks, um, that is, WEEKS!" the monk asked while snickering madly. "What are you doing here?"

I figured that I had caused InuYasha enough humiliation the day; maybe even the week, but I'm not that merciful, so I would definitely be back soon. But for now, I was homeward bound.

InuYasha is such a jug head. As I turned to leave, he challenged me to a fight to the death. Hello, Earth to InuYasha, you have no sword, and due to the hole the size of Mt. Fuji in your derrière, I highly doubt you will be winning, let alone participating in any fights anytime soon. Screw escaping with his dignity, though I'm sure that's something of a new concept for him.

After some major eye rolling and a couple of well-placed sit commands from the chick in the skirt, they managed to drag InuYasha away from the fight that never actually happened. My spirits were high. Not wanting to spoil it, I decided to take my leave.

The group was busy either sitting on InuYasha (the monk and the fox) or sewing up the rupture in his slacks (girls number one and two), so did they not notice my departure. Oh well. It's not like I wanted a hug or anything. But a nice, "see ya", or "fare thee well" would be appreciated. But it's not like I'm unloved, right? Right? Hey, why aren't you answering…come back here! I, Sesshomaru command you to plant your butt back into that chair next to that screen and tell me that I am loved!! After all, between you and me…. and…the rest of humanity…I'm the pretty one.

HEHEHE! Reviews please!!!


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